Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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