His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
