she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize