I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
