if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
