Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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