Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we're making bets on your personal life
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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