Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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