I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
