im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
