after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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