I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
