"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
