i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
