Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
