My entire life is one complicated drinking game
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
