Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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