He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
