I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
