Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
