And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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