Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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