Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
