Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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