hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
