you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
