"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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