I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize