So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
