I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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