Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
