i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
