Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Even my vagina gasped.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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