Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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