Little spoons don't ask big questions
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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