Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
