i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
