but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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