So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
