Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
