Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
