this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
