piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
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