The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
