im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize