My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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