I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize