i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
God I need to hump something, right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
