hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
