I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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