Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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