My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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