it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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