..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
