I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
