This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
