so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
