Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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