Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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