are you so shy because you have an std?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Farmville is her only friend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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