I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
