The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
