Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize