he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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