Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She has the best kind of daddy issues
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
