you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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