so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
