You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
