We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
