I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
