her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
