"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
