I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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